


Secrets Secrets are No Fun...

by CuriosityKilledtheCas



Series: Superfamily [1]
Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Iron Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Fluffy, M/M, Secret Relationship, Spideypool - Freeform, Superfamily, for a prompt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-06-09
Packaged: 2018-01-24 07:36:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1596842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CuriosityKilledtheCas/pseuds/CuriosityKilledtheCas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Peter and Wade are kind of sort of in a relationship. And they're kind of sort of in love. The problem? Peter's superhero parents aren't exactly on board with the whole dating-an-anti-hero thing. Sneaking around, or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fine

“Okay, I’ll see you then.” Peter says, and Tony can hear the smile in his son’s voice from the other room, and it makes him smile too. He nudges his husband sharply, gesturing to the kitchen where Peter’s been pacing, talking on the phone for hours now  
“Do you think it’s a girl?” Steve whispers in exited shock.  
“No, you hang up.” Peter practically coos. The sound of his is so sickeningly sweet, that Tony stops smiling in fear that he might throw up.   
“Oh yeah,” he smirks, getting up and heading towards the kitchen, Steve trailing behind. They’re met with their son’s goofy grin, staring at his phone like it’s made of gold. Tony refrains from commenting that, indeed, parts of it have actually been infused with gold for durability and maximum service while on missions.   
“So,” he sighs, resting his hands on the countertop, “Who were you talking to?”  
“No one.” Peter’s expression sobers up almost instantly.   
“Oh, please, Pete. You and I both know you had some hot chick on the other end of that line. You practically have a boner just calling her.”   
“Tony!” Steve exclaims, at the exact same time Peter groans—  
“Dad!”   
“I’m only stating the truth. Now, tell me about her.”   
Peter just looks between the two of them, biting his lip, before looking down at the countertop, unable to make eye contact with either of them.   
“It’s not a girl,” he shrugs, and the two parents look at each other with a shrug of their own.   
“Okay, what’s his name then?” Steve asks. He knows it’s not right to press his son for info, unlike his husband, but now he’s genuinely curious.   
“You know what? You wouldn’t know him anyways…” Something about his expression makes Tony frown.   
“Why are you being so weird about it? I’m the cool dad, remember?”   
“Hey!” Steve protests, but is ignored by the both of them.   
“It’s just kind embarrassing, you know?”   
“Why, because you’re in love with a guy?”   
“I’m not in love with him!”   
“You two are being safe, right? Because—“   
“Dad!”   
Huffing, Tony looks over his son with a shaking head.   
“I don’t see why it’s such a touchy subject.”   
“I told you!” Peter tries to leave the room, but the doorway’s blocked by both of his fathers.   
“Right, because it’s embarrassing,” Tony rolls his eyes, “You do realize both of your parents are men, right? It’s not like we’re exactly going to disapprove of your sexuality.”   
“This is so _not_ about my sexuality,” he blushes, a shade twice as red as the one on his Spiderman Suit.   
“Tony, hon, maybe we should just leave him alone?” Steve suggests lightly, trying to avoid the almost certain fight that’s about to ensue, “I’m sure he knows we love him no matter his… gender preference.”   
“Why do you all think it’s about my sexuality!” Peter explodes.   
“Because you’ve given no other indication that it’s something else?” Tony says it like a question.   
“You guys are my parents… It’s just weird to talk about this shit with you.”   
“Hey, watch the mouth,” Steve warns.   
“I’m going to bed,” Peter mumbles uncomfortably, pushing past his parents to go upstairs to his room. Before he’s to the top of the stairs, he’s already pulled out his phone to text him back.   
_parents are getting nosey… we should be more careful_ he types out, and waits eagerly for a reply.   
_But we hardly even see each other as it… come on you cant be serious_   
Peter can practically hear his stupid little whiny voice from here, adorable as it is. He grins, and launches into conversation as fast as he can.   
_wish I wasn’t_   
It takes his boyfriend way too long to type back, but the little bubble at the bottom of the screen ensures Peter that he only has yet to hit send.   
_You sure they won’t go prying through your phone after you fall asleep? Wouldn’t want them to have an aneurism when they see the hot sexts you’ve been sending_   
Peter can’t contain the too-loud laugh that bursts through his lips. As if he would ever send anything sexual on a device either of his parents have access to. JARVIS is probably reading these over his shoulder as he types.  
 _I’m more worried about them reading the contact info_   
Meanwhile, downstairs, he can practically hear his fathers gossiping about his love life beneath his very feet. If only they knew the half of it.   
_Ah, yes, a forbidden love,_ he reads the text with the sarcasm he knows is there _I call being Romeo_  
 _Wait why do I have to be the girl?_ Peter demands.   
_You’re right. I am prettier_   
A knock on the door makes him jump before he can respond.   
“Yeah?” he calls, watching Pops come in.  
“Hey, I just came in to apologize for your Dad’s behavior tonight… He gets a little excited.”   
“I’d say,” Peter laughs, but holds down the power button on top of his phone to turn it off, just in case his father has a wandering eye.   
“So… When do we get to meet him?” Steve asks, hopefully. He just can’t help himself.   
“Oh, well it’s not so serious…” Peter nods, rehearsing the lies his actually quite-serious boyfriend had taught him to use as excuses under these circumstances.   
“It sounded pretty serious to us.”   
“Well, it’s not.”   
“Peter, the two of you were doing the ‘no you hang up’ cliché. You can’t tell me you aren’t at least going steady.”   
“Going steady? No one even says that anymore.”   
“Sorry for being born in a different era.”   
Peter just laughs again, and it’s becoming more awkward by the second. He’s not that great at lying, and everyone knows it. How the hell Wade thought he was going to be able to keep their relationship a secret is beyond him.   
No, seriously, how the _fuck_ is he supposed to lie about this kind of thing?   
“It’s okay, Pop. Hey, you know I think I’m just going to turn in for the night” Cue a very fake sounding yawn here.   
“Oh, okay,” Steve seems taken aback by the sudden out of the conversation, “I’ll let you get your rest.”   
“Uh-huh.” Peter smiles, watching him leave before turning on his phone and waiting impatiently for the lock screen to pop back up.   
_I’m going to guess there’s been an interruption considering it normally only takes you .2 seconds to respond to me_ it reads.   
_you wish you were that special_ he beams down at his phone as he types.   
_I cane see your smile from here. You look like an idiot with a grin like that you know_   
_Yeah right._  
 _no, really, I can see it from here. Open your window, will you? It’s fucking freezing out here_  
Peter jumps to his window faster than he thought possible, throwing it open to reveal none other than Wade Wilson himself.   
“How long have you been out there?” He demands, “Fucking hell, what if JARVIS tells my dad?”   
“Aw, he wouldn’t do that to us, would you Jarvs?”   
_I am simply withholding this information for mater Peter’s happiness, not for yours._ comes JARVIS’s dry response.   
“You know you love me,” Wade smirks, but all Peter can do is shake his head frantically.   
“You so can _not_ be here right now! Oh my god, what if one of them come in here? They can’t see you they’ll—“ but he’s cut off with another pair of lips on his, “Wow,” he breathes, “What a nice way of making me shut up.”   
He doesn’t try to stop him as Wades fingers scramble to undo the buttons of his shirt, And Wade doesn’t stop Peter from fumbling around to find the clasp to take off his suit. They are, however, brought to a immediate halt when they hear a loud rapping on Peter’s bedroom door.   
“Closet!” Peter hisses frenziedly, only to see that he’s already dived into it, just in time for Tony to walk in.   
“H-Hey, Dad!” he exclaims in a way too loud tone of voice.   
“Um, hey, son. Pop said you were going to bed and I— are you okay? You look a little disheveled there.”   
“What? What’d you mean? I’m fine. Totally fine. Completely…” He trails off, feeling stupid and irritated with his inability to produce a good lie, “Fine.” He finishes flatly.   
“Alright then. I was just coming to say goodnight, I guess. Sorry for making you uncomfortable with all that boyfriend stuff.”   
“Boyfriend stuff? Nah, you’re fine. Totally fine.”   
Damn, he needs to learn a better word than ‘fine’.   
“Well, I hope you have some nice dreams about him.” Tony chuckles.   
“Dad!”   
“Goodnight.” His dad says instead of an apology, closing the door behind him. Wade is at his side in an instant, trailing a finger across his shoulder.   
“Boyfriend stuff, huh?” He teases.   
“Shut up.”   
“You want to know a secret?” He murmurs softly, “I hope you have some nice dreams about me, too.”


	2. What Happens in an Alleyway...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is surprised, Wade tries to do something good, and the Superhusbands are pissed

Peter knows he’s screwed. He’s absolutely, 100% , definitely totally no doubt about it screwed. Because it’s eleven at night, he has to go on a mission, he has school in the morning, and he can’t ditch because then he has zero chance at meeting up with Wade after.   
_‘If you’re too tired for school, you’re too tired to go out’_ Pops would say.   
Not to mention his Global paper due second period, and the science final last period. No matter how nice it is outside, and how exciting it is to get ready for summer, the end of the school year is most undeniably the hardest part of the school year.   
Which is exactly why Peter is screwed. He’s too busy screwing Wade himself to even think about finals. But it’s not like he’s ever going to actually need this school shit, right? He’s a goddamn superhero. Not that it seems to sway his parents very much when he mentions it.   
Either way, he’s starting to regret his choice to go out to stop this apparent nearby mugging. It’s dark, and cold and he’s still groggy from the twenty minutes of sleep he got before JARVIS’s alert woke him up.   
Dad is on the other end of the earpiece he has in, a new safety system he has to bide by— if peter wants to go out on his own, he has to have some kind of connection back to Stark Headquarters, aka, where his family is huddled around, listening to the audio track of his mission, hoping he won’t need their help as if he can’t handle himself.   
_‘Peter, you good out there? You sound a little winded’_ Tony’s voice comes through, making him roll his eyes from underneath his mask.   
“Yeah, dad, fine. Just tired. I should be back in four minutes, tops. I just have to knock the guy out and call the cops. Make sure the chick he’s harassing isn’t hurt. You know the drill, basic bad guy in a city.”   
But as he turns the corner, he’s stopped in his tracks. Because there’s already someone else there, in a black and red suit, not too different from his.  
“Wade?” Peter exclaims, eyes wide and heart racing. There’s a woman knocked out on the sidewalk of the alley, and another man beside her, equally as unconscious, with Deadpool himself standing over them, dangling a little blue purse.   
“Hey, Spidey, nice of you to come do your own goddamn job,” there’s a hint of humor in his voice, as there always is, but it’s not meanly sarcastic His tone is light and playful, and if Peter wasn’t so confused, he might have laughed.   
“What the fuck?” He exclaims, “You _mugged_ them?”   
_‘Peter? Kid, what’s going on? Who is that?_ he hears on of his fathers demand in his ear. He doesn’t answer, though, because he’s not sure what he’s supposed to say.   
_Oh, nothing, just watching my secret boyfriend commit illegal activities. Did I mention he’s a Mercenary? No? Sorry._  
That is so not the answer he should give.   
“What?” Wade asks, just as equally confused, “No! No I didn’t I— Oh. Yeah, this looks kind of bad.”   
“No shit… What did you—“   
“No, look, I heard her wailing from a block away. I couldn’t get my shit done with all her screaming so I just came over to knock the guy out so she would shut the hell up. I figured you’d get here before I did but apparently you had better things to do. I thought you were a Superhero, Peter Parker.” The glimmer of playful humor is back, and this time Peter does smile.   
“Why is she unconscious, then?” He scoffs, looking down at her.   
“Well, I mean, she thought I was you at first, but I guess when I stepped out of the alley and she saw who I really was…”   
“You mean the wanted mercenary who kills for money?”   
“Yes, yes, the one and only of this fine area. Anyways, she just couldn’t handle me. Passed out cold.”   
“Wouldn’t be the first one to see you and scream.” He meant it as a kid-friendly joke, he really, really did. But that was totally not how his perverted boyfriend heard it.   
“You trying to say I’ll make you scream tonight?” Wade leers, “All you have to do is say my name, and you’ll be screaming it.”   
He’s about to say something, probably not as witty but definitely just as sexual, when his cock-block father’s scream his name— what a time for name-screaming, really, after the discussion he and Wade just had—so loud in the earpiece, it make Peter cringe.   
“I’m coming, okay? There was a little bit of an interruption. I’m going back to the house now, calm down,” Then to Deadpool he whispers, “We’ll talk about your sudden good-heartedness towards citizens and intense sexual capabilities later.”   
“Or I can just show you that second one, if you’d prefer.”   
He can hear the agitated, worried sounds of Pops in the background, but he isn’t really paying attention to the words. He’s too bust kissing Wade goodbye through each other’s masks. Not terribly romantic, but it’s something special. Something only superhero— Super/anti- hero, Wade would correct— couples can do. Its things like this that make them work, even if there are worlds of people who would disapprove.   
And then, Peter’s alone, taking off on a web. And he hates it, swinging alone through the cold. He misses where he was ten seconds ago, even if it was just a dirty alleyway. He knows his dads are waiting at the front door, with their arms crossed. They’ll have questions about why he wasn’t answering and what went down and who he was talking to.   
But he doesn’t care about that. Or his finals. Or the number of hours he get to sleep.   
He only really cares about Wade Wilson… and that’s kind of fucking scary.   
Just as predicted, Dad and Pop are waiting for him when he swings his way to the upstairs window. They’re not happy, but not angry either. Just… genuinely confused.   
“Who was with you? Did you know the guy committing the crime? Please tell me it didn’t affect your judgment, Peter. Criminals are criminals no matter who they are to you.”   
Peter makes sure he’s rolled his eyes before taking off his mask.   
“Nah, there was just some guy I knew who get there and stopped the thing before I did,” Peter shrugs indifferently. He’s not lying, per se. There was someone there who stopped the mugging, and Peter knew him pretty damn well.   
“So, that’s it? You were just catching up with an old friends before the cops got there?” Dad asks, eyebrows raised.  
“Shit!” Peter exclaims, realizing what was missing, “I forgot to call them.”   
“The Police?” Pops asks, “You didn’t call the Police? You just left the mugger on the streets…”   
“No, no. He knocked him out.”   
“And the girl got away?”   
Squeezing his eyes shut, knowing he shouldn’t answer them truthfully but also knowing they’ll figure it out anyways, considering the publicity that will happen when the cops find two unconscious citizens laying in the street, with a woman cuddling on top of her reported attacker, he groans.   
“No,” Peter sighs, “She’s out cold too.”   
“What did he do, attack them?”   
“Probably.” Peter admits.   
“Well then you’re pretty damn lucky we already called 911 for you.” Pops nods, and Peter thanks his lucky stars he won’t be on the new, blamed for the assault and attempted murder of two ‘innocent’ New Yorkers.   
“Oh, but Pete?” Dad asks, before he leaves the bedroom, with that mocking face of ‘I know something you don’t’ that always manages to make his son cringe.   
“Yeah, dad?” He flinches, not ready for whatever comment his dad’s about to make.   
“Well, I was just…. Wondering,” insert not-so-funny laugh here, with a shake of his Dad’s head, “What all that talk of, of honey, what was the word? Oh, yeah, mercenaries was. Why the hell were you and your ‘innocent fellow vigilante; were doing talking about wanted guerillas and sex?”   
If Peter thought he was screwed before, he’s absolutely fucked now.


	3. Meet the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So maybe this wasn't how Peter intended for his parents to meet his boyfriend

There is no way out of this situation. I mean, what would you say if you were cornered by your superhero parents, questioning you about your anti-hero boyfriend? Peter has no fucking idea. He tries to think about all the tips Wade gave him on lying, and how to fumble his way through a bullshit answer, but his mind is blank. That doesn’t stop him from trying though.   
_No, guys, you must have heard it wrong through the speaker. I said, uh, Max… not mercenary. My friend’s name is, um, Max._   
That’s probably not convincing enough, even if he magically becomes a wonderful liar within the next twelve seconds.  
His parent’s aren’t having it either way.   
“Peter, might we remind you that lying won’t help your case in the slightest?” Pops says, eyebrows raised.   
“I’m not— I just…”   
“Alright,” Dad cuts in, his expression growing less sarcastic and more angry by the second, “I’m done with this shit. You have twenty seconds to explain what really happened, and when they’re up, I’m asking JARVIS to verify.”   
“JARVIS won’t even know!” Peter exclaims.   
_Master Peter, I am fully aware of the situation at hand._   
“Thanks, JARVIS. Thank you so much.” He groans, squeezing his eyes shut. He doesn’t know what to do, or how to lie his way through this. And then he realizes, he can’t. Both of his parents look at him with an expecting glare. He needs to explain, and he needs to explain now.   
But what the hell is he going to say?  
 _Oh, yes, remember Deadpool, you know that guy that tried to kill us a few months ago? Well after that happened, we kinda hooked up out back. He’s been my long term boyfriends for a while now. Can we have your blessing?_ Even Peter’s not stupid enough to say something that idiotic.   
So, instead of a real justification, he pulls out his phone. His dads watch him, their eyes glaring with suspicion. They look between the phone and their son, who just shrugs and shoots them an ‘I’m trying my best’ kind of look.   
“Petey?” The too-familiar voice comes on the other line, and it’s a very good thing his parents can’t hear both sides of the conversation, because they’d probably recognize the mockery in his voice right away, “What, couldn’t get enough of me?”   
“They know,” is all Peter can say.   
“Wait, wait,” Wade’s voice is immediately serious. Well, as serious as he can be, “Your parents? You told them?”   
“Not exactly…” Peter risks a glance at the two men, standing identical with their arms crossed behind him, “I’m thinking maybe we need to, um, sit down with them and explain.”   
“That would be nice!” Dad calls, making his son flinch.   
“Now was that Patriot-freak or Metal head?”   
“If you say either of those things while you’re here, I swear to god—“ his warning is cut off by his boyfriend’s dismissive tone.  
“Calm down, babe. I’ll be over there in twenty seconds. Costume on or off?”   
“Off,” his answer comes immediately.   
“Yeah, wouldn’t want them to cut my head off… again.”   
“In their defense—“   
“Yeah, yeah, I was hired to kill them, blah blah blah. But it’s one hell of a love story. Can’t wait to tell the kids how we met.”   
“You’re such a—“   
“Peter?” Pops interrupts, snatching the phone from his hand, “We’ve been very patient while you were sorting this out but we won’t stand here and let you chat with a friend instead of facing the problem.”   
Peter looks between him and Dad, praying they’ll just disappear. Or that he will. Why couldn’t he get bitten by a chameleon, and win the ability to blend into the room?   
“He’s coming,” Peter sighs, “My friend, I mean. He’ll be here in, like,” The doorbell rings, “Now.”   
He jumps to get the door before them, but his Dad makes it a point to get there before he does, actually shoving him into the couch. When they open the door, they’re met with a smiling, scar-faced man, holding a smushed bouquet of flowers out at them.   
“Sorry for the mess,” he looks at the petals dropping to the floor, “I didn’t know I’d be meeting the parents at three am on a school night.”   
“Who is this?” Tony looks between him at Peter, “Who are you?”   
“Hi Dad,” Wade smiles,” Can I call you dad? I dated this person once who made me call their father daddy. Like we were married or something! Even married couples don’t always call their in-laws dad, right? Oh, don’t worry, we aren’t married. Well, yet.” Wade throws a wink at Peter who just groans, blushes, and gets up to explain.   
“Alright, so…” He scratches the back of his head, “This is Wade. My, uh, boyfriend.”   
Tony looks at Steve, who stares blankly at Wade, who’s trying to not have eye sex with Peter who just stares at the ground and pretends the whole situation isn’t happening, and soon he’ll wake up and see that this is all just a horrible, horrible nightmare.   
“Boyfriend?” Pops asks, a confused crease furrowing between his eyebrows, “Why was he out tonight? Why is he…?” All four of them can tell he’s trying not to stare at the scars littering Wade’s face.   
“I think maybe we should, like, sit down first,” Peter tries to suggest as casually as he can, but it’s an odd request and everyone knows there’s some bad news about to be delivered.   
“Oh no, are you pregnant?” Wade gasps mockingly, trying to ease up the tension. But instead of laughs, all he gets is a nervous angry glower from Peter, and two furious looks from his parents, “Tough crowd,” he mutters.   
“Tough fighters, too. Watch yourself,” Tony mutters.  
“Oh, I know you are,” Wade beams, and then realizes why he shouldn’t have said that.   
“What do you mean you know we are?” He snaps, caught off guard, “Peter what the hell have you told him?”  
“It’s not like your identity’s really a secret anymore, dad. You revealed that a while ago.”   
“That’s not the point! You didn’t tell him about—“ He glances quickly at Wade, “We’ll talk about it later. But if that guy knows anything he’s not supposed to, you’ll be answering to me.”   
“That ‘guy’,” Peter spits, “Is kind of important to me, so why don’t we sit down and have a conversation like a normal family.”   
“…Does that include me?” their guest questions awkwardly.   
“Yes, Wade,” his boyfriend sighs exasperatedly, “that includes you.”   
The sofa’s in the living room have never felt more uncomfortable than they do in that moment. Neither one of them know what to say, let alone how to say it. Peter’s wondering if maybe he should just never talk again. It would have saved his ass on multiple occasions in the past.   
“So,” Cap starts, slightly more open to the conversation than his other father, who’s too busy staring down Wade to be paying anything else much attention.   
“So,” Peter repeats.   
“S—“ Wade starts, but is promptly cut off.   
“Why don’t we skip the games and jump to the end of the spiel. Peter, you’re dating this kid. Kid, you’re dating Peter. Big deal. Now, why where you out on call in the middle of the night with our son, and why did you choose to talk about murder and mercenaries while on said call?”   
“I was out to stop a mugging,” Peter starts, “Y’know the one JARVIS reported? And when I got there, Wade had already arrived.”   
“Since when do you have a partner?” Steve asks, though so far the story isn’t so bad, “And what was he doing at a crime scene?”   
“Wade helps people too,” his son nods, but it’s only a half truth and the Cap can see it.   
“Yeah? What, like, a cop or something?”   
“Excuse me?” Wade pipes in, genuinely offended, “I am nothing like those idiots in their little blue cars, doing shit they don’t understand. I could outdo them any day.”   
Something about the way he says I makes Tony half-laugh.   
“Then what are you?” Tony demands, the traces of humor draining from his face, “What business do you have at a crime scene if you aren’t a cop?”   
“Honey, the crime scene is my only business.”   
That remark gets a shark elbow into his ribs, and Peter laughs nervously.   
“Aright we’re missing something here,” Tony chuckles bitterly to his husband, “And they’re going to tell us right now what it is.”   
“Surprise!” Wade smiles, dragging his mask out of his backpack, and pulling it over his head.   
Well Shit.


	4. Of Hormonal Teens and... Pedophiles?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wade gets a fist in the face, and Peter gets a bit of a reality check... Well, as far as his parents are concerned.

Okay, so looking back, that was a very, very bad idea. Wade knows that now. Next time he has to reveal his identity to his boyfriend’s parents, he most definitely will not ‘surprise’ them. Not unless he wants Tony Stark to grab his shirt with his fist from across the table and try to bash is nose in. Again.  
Cap tries pulling him off of the now masked Deadpool, but Tony’s relentless, going from ‘Concerned Dad’ to ‘Pissed Iron Man’ in a heartbeat. A heartbeat that could very well be Wade’s last, if he keeps hitting him like this. He fights back at first, and thinks he’s winning, until the infamous Iron Man manages to attach a single fist from across the room, pounding in his nose with a sickening _crack_ that hurts about a million times more than a regular non-metallic human hand would. He knows he’ll heal— at least he’s pretty sure, but who knows what kind of new technology Stark inc has come out with, maybe iron knuckles that can kill someone with a healing factor for all he knows— but that doesn’t stop it from hurting like hell. And it really doesn’t stop Peter from yelling, screaming for his dad to _please, just stop!_ the sound of which, honestly, hurts even more. Especially when, out of the corner of his quickly blackening eyes, Wade catches a glimpse of what he thinks might be his boyfriend’s tears. That’s what makes him stop retaliating, even though it goes against every instinct he has. The boxes in his head scream at him for being an idiot, for losing a fight on purpose, but Wade does nothing but go limp under Tony’s angry grasp. With a few last shoves into the wall, Tony gives up too. Well, Wade thinks he does. But then, he lifts his hand instead and everyone watches in horror as the circle on the end begins to glow, whirring up and ready to fire.  
“That’s enough!” The Captain calls angrily over to his husband from the other corner or the room where he’s been desperately trying to calm Peter down first. He rushes over to Tony, eyes livid. Wade can’t tell who he’s more pissed at: Him, for being the one who’s dating their son, or Tony for trying to kill him for him.  
“ _He_ is the enemy, here,” Stark spits, “Just because Peter has a crush on—“  
“Woah,” Wade stops him, straightening up from his bloody slump on the ground, “I beg to differ. This is so not a crush, we’re totally—“  
“You need to shut the fuck up.” Tony points a shaky ironclad finger at him, and his mouth snaps shut instantaneously.  
“I think we should talk about it with him first before we start maiming kids.”  
“He’s hardly a kid! Peter’s a kid! This guys a… a _pedophile_!”  
“You’re kidding, right?” Wade groans and coughs, a bit of blood splattering onto his hands.  
Peter’s at his side immediately, ignoring his parent’s obvious glares. Whether Steve approves or not, he isn’t letting his husband get charged for murder.  
“Hey, get your hands away from my kid,” Tony scowls, eyeing the way Wade’s had rests reassuringly on Peter’s chest.  
“You tried to kill him!” Peter exclaims, his face turning an alarming shade of red.  
“Oh, don’t be a drama queen, Pete. You and I both know he’d just come back again. Lord knows he always does when we try getting rid of him.”  
“How can you say that?” his son gapes, “How can you—“  
“Peter, whether you’d like to know it or not, this man is a menace. He’s destroyed people. Families, even. I don’t want ours to be next.” Steve tries to reason, but his son isn’t having any of it.  
“No. Fuck no,” he mutters angrily.  
“Peter!” Cap chastises, but is completely ignored.  
“You and I both know that’s a bullshit excuse,” Peter raises an eyebrow, “Just because our sides don’t get along doesn’t mean—“  
“Oh please tell me you aren’t going all Romeo and Juliet on this,” Tony rolls his eyes, “We all read that, correct? So, you do know what happens to them. Warring families and all that shit… Don’t romanticize it,” Peter’s about to say something again, but dad continues, “Ironically enough, it suits the situation, though. I mean Romeo was significantly older, and also a cocky, arrogant son of a bitch.”  
“Been looking in a mirror recently?” Wade asks, and flinches when the older man tries to lunge at him again, only for it to be intercepted by his boyfriend, who takes a rough punch to the face. It starts bruising almost immediately on his pale skin, and everyone else takes a sharp inhale of breath. It’s kind of like what Tony did to Wade— only Peter won’t heal quite so fast. Wade is straight on his feet, defensively stepping in front of Peter before anyone else even has the chance to move a muscle.  
“Tony!” Steve gasps, watching him take a step back in surprise.  
“I’m fine,” Peter spits, looking at the ground with disgust, “My pride hurts more than my face.”  
“I just hit you with molybdenum titanium alloy and you think you’re fine?” Tony huffs, half angry, half shocked.  
“I hope you know, sir, that none of us really know what that means. Please speak English.”  
Tony practically growls at Wade, and Peter shoots them both a threatening look, before training his eyes on the ground so that no one can see the damage the punch did to his face. It’ll hurt like a bitch later, but for now he’s too angry and embarrassed to feel anything but numb.  
“I’m going to bed,” He mutters, shoving past Wade’s arm and heading for the stairs.  
“Peter, we need to talk about this!” Pops calls after him before he can even reach the first step.  
Tony nods in agreement, still too jumbled and reeling from the thought of actually physically hurting the kid. But that doesn’t mean he’ll let him get away with this.  
“Petey, you aren’t really going to leave me alone with them, are you?” The panic in Wades voice makes Peter’s lips twitch into a half-smile. Which actually really fucking hurts his face, not that he’s going to tell any of them that. He can’t look weak. Not now.  
“Fine,” he grumbles, “Let’s settle it, then. I’m dating a mercenary, and whether you like him or not, you’ll accept him because I love him and you’re supposed to be supportive about this kind of thing.”  
“Okay..” Dad trails, “How about this: You _were_ dating a mercenary, but now he’s banned from the house, your school, and anywhere else you may happen to be. And if you don’t abide by those rules, considering you’re a minor and we’re your parents, we’ll have a restraining order filed and list him as a predator in every legal book in the world.”  
“You say that as if I’m not already wanted in every corner of it,” Wade chuckles awkwardly. He’s totally not helping.  
“You aren’t serious,” Peter pales, looking between both of his fathers.  
“I’m sorry, son,” Steve purses his lips with a guilty glance at Wade, “You should consider yourself lucky we aren’t turning him in. He’s killed people, Peter, you know that. We can’t let him into our homes and risk—“  
“What, getting fired? Losing your rep? Newsflash, Pops, you’ve killed people too. Innocent ones. And maybe it was an accident, but they where lives, too. Just because he gets paid to—“  
“Exactly. He gets _paid_ to,” his dad interrupts, “That’s grade A villain right there.”  
“Don’t talk about him like you know everything about him.”  
“Or you can try talking about him when he’s not, you know, in the room?” Wade laughs to himself. No one joins him in it.  
“Good idea,” Tony nods, “So get out.”  
“Dad!”  
“We don’t allow fugitives in our home, Peter.”  
“What do you think I am? Vidualantees aren’t exactly legal.”  
“And now you’re under S.H.I.E.L.D. so, actually, it is.”  
“I won’t sit here and get treated like I’m some stupid kid,” Peter fires in a last ditch effort.  
“Guess what? You are.”  
And with that, a half-healed Wade, covered in his own dry blood is out the door. He leaves wordlessly, for once, but he leaves all the same. Even with his parents in the room, Peter’s never felt so alone.  
“You know we love you, right?” Pops asks faintly.  
“For your own good,” is the only thing his Dad grunts out.  
“Yeah,” Peter spits with sarcasm dripping from his tongue, “Not that you seem to believe in love as much as you taught me growing up… but, sure, you love me.”  
Steve’s about to say something more, but his son is up the stairs before he can even form the sentence in his mind.  
“Let him go,” Tony sighs, plopping himself down on the couch, “He’s just a hormonal teenager.”  
And maybe that’s why he sneaks out the window, and gets away with it. Because he’s just a hormonal teenager— with fucking superpowers. And they get him across town in seconds, right up to Wade’s apartment door.  
“Peter?” He asks, the surprise evident in his voice, “Damn I could get arrested for this. Or, maybe like, maimed.”  
“So you want me to leave?”  
“Hell no.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this was my first Spideypool fic... I'll probably continue with a real plot line if ya'll liked it :)


End file.
